Silent Epidemic

The Silent Epidemic 

When I was there at the edge of the bridge with hanging my toes and feeling the continuous wind blowing on my face, then I realized what would Mark have been felt when he was here to jump and die. It is quite difficult for me to understand that what brought him in this 'jump and die' situation. As Mark was my greatest mate, this incident affected me a lot and many more were also affected by this incidence. 
Mark was an open-minded person. He did not take anything seriously. However, there were some severe arguments between him and his wife. Mark’s family left him alone last Tuesday. Mark suffered a lot due to this, but I could not ask him whether he is okay or not. It is considered that a man cannot ask another man about his feelings because it is not right to ask personal feelings. I was thinking that everything is going to be okay as Mark was the very tough guy. When I came to know what he has done, I lost in a sea of nameless faces because he was my greatest mate. 
On a traditional Thursday night, I invited many of my friends. Almost all of my friends came and started rocking up. I also decided to enjoy the night, and for this, I took a crappy set of card. I was still waiting for a couple of my friends including Mark. But Mark usually came late all the times. When Mark arrived, I saw that he was looking like a bit of drunk. It was not normal for him, means he did not drink. It was the last time I saw him. 
When I heard that Mark is no more in this world, I felt that I have lost something very precious because Mark was my greatest mate. It was his funeral this Friday, and I still cannot comprehend this. Losing my best mate caused me to lose something great to myself.
After the funeral of Mark, I decided to approach Mark's wife, Anna. She was pale and exhausted holding a baby on one hip and a toddler by the hand. I wanted to know the reasons that why Mark did this. 
“Anna, I am sorry for your loss, but I need to know why he did this. Do you have any idea? I asked with a tremor in my voice.”
“It was my fault. We began to fight on silly things, and I did not do anything to resolve the conflict.” After saying this Anna broke down. 
I am a bloody idiot, I was thinking to myself. I thought why I asked her about the reasons at the time of the funeral.
Hearing what Anna said just broke me. She made me realize that this predicament is partially my fault. I knew that something was wrong with Mark, but I was too scared to ask him. I was not scared of what he would say; I was scared what everyone else would say about me. I was too arrogant and selfish to help a mate out. I could have saved him. 
Two weeks ago his death, I could feel that I am being addicted to alcohol steadily. I was arriving home almost every night. It was looking like that pub has become my second home. I felt that alcohol is the answer to my all the problems. I thought that drinking is the only way to deal with the death of Mark. My life was getting affected by this incident, and I always felt like unease and drank to escape from the reality of my life. I started spending more time in the pub alone. Due to this, I lost many friends. I drank more whenever I was alone. Due to this, my personality was changing. I became more violent and angrier. I could not control what I was doing. 
I never realized that how much this had affected my family and me. Now I also started arguing with my wife in front of kids, and I could not do anything about it. I am not able to control myself, no matter how hard I am trying to control myself. I had never fought with my wife when I was not drinking. Now I realized what made Mark do it. 
One afternoon when I arrived home I saw that my wife Melissa’s car was packed with suitcases. Confusion was created in my mind. When I walked through the door, I locked eyes with Melissa. Her eyes reflected a sky full of sorrow. I felt that I am the responsible person for her sorrow. 
"Melissa, what are doing? Where are you going?' I asked.
“You brought this on yourself,” Melissa replied as a great tremor overtook her. “I need some time away from you, goodbye” and she walked out the door with the kids.
When the car pulled away, I felt like the whole world has left me alone. As this sadness clouded my judgment, I too grabbed the keys and went for a drive. The people say that time heals all the wounds, but they are wrong. I still have those thoughts and grieve when I replay the story of Mark as clear as day in my mind. I set my GPS to the bridge. 
I thought that I had lost everything and it is all because of my fault.
As I arrived at the bridge, I heard the gentle sound of rain tapping on the top of the roof of the car. I realized that this is the dark bridge where Mark ended his life. I took a few moments in the car thinking everything before following the footsteps of Mark. I came out of the car to feel the rain. My eyes were full of tears. 
Finally, I reached the edge of the bridge and stood motionless on the edge of the bridge and saw the mesmerizing view of the city. I thought about how small we are in this world. As I looked over the bridge to see my destination, I froze up. I knew that I have to do this for my family and myself. My life is a mess; that’s all I could think about myself.
I dragged my toes even further off the bridge.
“This is my time.” I thought to myself.
I finally took a gulp fall of air and slowly led over. I could not bear to see what was coming. So I closed my eyes. Before I knew it, it was all over. I felt the resistance on my feet, and I bounced back up above the water. I opened my eyes to see the bungee rope caught me and I could not help just to smile. All my sorrow went to back of my mind. I felt a sense of joy throughout the body.
I am no longer looking back in the past. I am not losing everything again.  

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