The Silent Epidemic
Mark was an open-minded person. He did not take anything seriously. However, there were some severe arguments between him and his wife. Mark’s family left him alone last Tuesday. Mark suffered a lot due to this, but I could not ask him whether he is okay or not. It is considered that a man cannot ask another man about his feelings because it is not right to ask personal feelings. I was thinking that everything is going to be okay as Mark was the very tough guy. When I came to know what he has done, I lost in a sea of nameless faces because he was my greatest mate.
On a traditional Thursday night, I invited many of my friends. Almost all of my friends came and started rocking up. I also decided to enjoy the night, and for this, I took a crappy set of card. I was still waiting for a couple of my friends including Mark. But Mark usually came late all the times. When Mark arrived, I saw that he was looking like a bit of drunk. It was not normal for him, means he did not drink. It was the last time I saw him.
When I heard that Mark is no more in this world, I felt that I have lost something very precious because Mark was my greatest mate. It was his funeral this Friday, and I still cannot comprehend this. Losing my best mate caused me to lose something great to myself.
After the funeral of Mark, I decided to approach Mark's wife, Anna. She was pale and exhausted holding a baby on one hip and a toddler by the hand. I wanted to know the reasons that why Mark did this.
“Anna, I am sorry for your loss, but I need to know why he did this. Do you have any idea? I asked with a tremor in my voice.”
“It was my fault. We began to fight on silly things, and I did not do anything to resolve the conflict.” After saying this Anna broke down.
I am a bloody idiot, I was thinking to myself. I thought why I asked her about the reasons at the time of the funeral.
Hearing what Anna said just broke me. She made me realize that this predicament is partially my fault. I knew that something was wrong with Mark, but I was too scared to ask him. I was not scared of what he would say; I was scared what everyone else would say about me. I was too arrogant and selfish to help a mate out. I could have saved him.
Two weeks ago his death, I could feel that I am being addicted to alcohol steadily. I was arriving home almost every night. It was looking like that pub has become my second home. I felt that alcohol is the answer to my all the problems. I thought that drinking is the only way to deal with the death of Mark. My life was getting affected by this incident, and I always felt like unease and drank to escape from the reality of my life. I started spending more time in the pub alone. Due to this, I lost many friends. I drank more whenever I was alone. Due to this, my personality was changing. I became more violent and angrier. I could not control what I was doing.
I never realized that how much this had affected my family and me. Now I also started arguing with my wife in front of kids, and I could not do anything about it. I am not able to control myself, no matter how hard I am trying to control myself. I had never fought with my wife when I was not drinking. Now I realized what made Mark do it.
One afternoon when I arrived home I saw that my wife Melissa’s car was packed with suitcases. Confusion was created in my mind. When I walked through the door, I locked eyes with Melissa. Her eyes reflected a sky full of sorrow. I felt that I am the responsible person for her sorrow.
"Melissa, what are doing? Where are you going?' I asked.
“You brought this on yourself,” Melissa replied as a great tremor overtook her. “I need some time away from you, goodbye” and she walked out the door with the kids.
When the car pulled away, I felt like the whole world has left me alone. As this sadness clouded my judgment, I too grabbed the keys and went for a drive. The people say that time heals all the wounds, but they are wrong. I still have those thoughts and grieve when I replay the story of Mark as clear as day in my mind. I set my GPS to the bridge.
I thought that I had lost everything and it is all because of my fault.
As I arrived at the bridge, I heard the gentle sound of rain tapping on the top of the roof of the car. I realized that this is the dark bridge where Mark ended his life. I took a few moments in the car thinking everything before following the footsteps of Mark. I came out of the car to feel the rain. My eyes were full of tears.
Finally, I reached the edge of the bridge and stood motionless on the edge of the bridge and saw the mesmerizing view of the city. I thought about how small we are in this world. As I looked over the bridge to see my destination, I froze up. I knew that I have to do this for my family and myself. My life is a mess; that’s all I could think about myself.
I dragged my toes even further off the bridge.
“This is my time.” I thought to myself.
I finally took a gulp fall of air and slowly led over. I could not bear to see what was coming. So I closed my eyes. Before I knew it, it was all over. I felt the resistance on my feet, and I bounced back up above the water. I opened my eyes to see the bungee rope caught me and I could not help just to smile. All my sorrow went to back of my mind. I felt a sense of joy throughout the body.
I am no longer looking back in the past. I am not losing everything again.